On 2 April 2020 my newest book was launched and late in the evening, tragically, we lost a much-loved family member. It will probably add to the list of deaths from the virus, but she was young and fighting her fifth, consecutive cancer.

It’s tough coping with this crisis, isn’t it? Like so many of my readers, I miss family hugs because we’re spread out over quite a distance.  Skype/Facetime isn’t quite the same; less so at a time of loss.

It was nine days before her birthday and even knowing that I wouldn’t be able to send the card I’d bought for her to the hospital, I kept it next to my computer. In my heart I knew she wasn’t going to make it, but putting it away would mean I was giving up and she’d fought a long, and hard, battle.

The day she died I added a heart-felt letter to the envelope. Being miles away and unable to see her to say goodbye, I sat in the garden and sobbed. A young life that had taken away too soon – she was a wonderful, caring person – someone I was proud to have known.

That night, I cut the card up into small pieces and burnt it in a little dish.  As I watched the smoke drift across the garden, because of my beliefs it gave me a sense of peace. And that’s what today is all about, finding a way of coping with the impossible.

What isn’t easy for me, is that I’m a research nut. If one of the characters in a novel flies off somewhere, it’s a real, scheduled flight including the taking off and landing times. In the same way that, up to now, I have flown off to research the locations.

When it comes to health issues it’s information overload these days, isn’t it? And with the virus it’s gotten worse. No matter what any of us believe (and my beliefs are not mainstream, by the way) all we can do is follow the new rules, because panic causes stress and stress causes illness.

Writers are used to isolation. My working life continues, almost as normal, and my workload for this year is a demanding one. It isn’t always easy to focus, I will admit, but I make myself. There is no point stressing about things you cannot affect, or alter. It’s in the lap of the Gods – or the government – according to your beliefs. Will the world end? No. But life will be very different going forward. So all I’m doing is taking it one day at a time and being very, very grateful that the rest of my family remain well at this time. Remaining strong, active and positive is about setting an example.

Hard work is good for the soul and it means I can’t dwell, which in turn means I’m less stressed.  And less likely to get sick and worry those who love me! Because the stories I write are uplifting,  the reviews are keeping me going. Readers tell me they are grateful to escape their worries for a while and that is humbling. With the launch of ‘Summer in Provence’, the book love coming back at me was a welcome boost when I was at my lowest ebb.

In between trying to keep up a normal routine, my husband – Lawrence – and I, will sit and watch a feel-good film, play music, or paint something in the house. If the sun is out  then we make sure we sit in the garden after lunch to lift our spirits.

I’ve decided that there is absolutely no point in trying to preempt what the future holds – now, more than ever, it’s time to live life one day at a time. I believe we are experiencing a paradigm shift and many things will change going forward, some for the better.

Things I’m doing that make me feel as if I’m at least doing something positive:

1. Zero food waste. I plan meals around what needs to be eaten first.
2. The temptation is to comfort eat… so I’m trying very hard to keep meal portions small, but interesting. I’m thinking of ways to use less and adding things to bulk out a batch cook-up to make it go further.
3. Phoning people regularly whom I think might not be coping so well with isolation.
4. Keeping texts/messages short, but regular. You never know when someone isn’t in the mood to talk, or – conversely – might need a listening ear.
5. Staying calm and practical – if I panic, then those around me I interact with will sense that, too. Panic achieves nothing except for causing stress, and stress = illness, virus or no virus.
6. Keeping myself busy. If I wasn’t constantly working I would be reading, working on the garden, up-cycling furniture… hobbies (and work) are a life-saver!

 

Being, and staying, healthy

Non-virus related chatter! Because of my second bout of kidney stones in three years, which began about nine months ago, I started working with a kinesiologist. It began with a hair analysis test.

I’ve always used essential oils, taken various vitamins and supplements, and tried a number of holistic practices over the years – acupuncture, acupressure, homeopathy etc.  So, I went into it with an open mind. Western medicine tends to treat the symptoms, rather than the cause and, clearly,  amassing two lots of kidney stones so close together meant action was required – seven the first time (one had to be surgically removed) and three the second time around. Passing the stones is not easy. The last one took a month and it was agony.

I can only speak from my own experience BUT when the hair analysis came back showing (I’ll give one example) my magnesium levels were extremely low, I could confirm I had all of the symptoms related to that condition. And I’d had several trips to the doctor over a period of some months with classic symptoms which were getting worse. I’d been advised by my doctor to drink tonic water every day as a solution.

Anyway, it’s suffice to say that I felt the results of the test meant it was money well-spent – it cost about £80 with a full report and a one-to-one session with the kinesiologist. I was so impressed, that I now see her on a regular basis and slowly we are sorting out the problems.

I will be blogging in future posts about some of the interesting things I’ve learnt during this process – not just related to the alternative, holistic approach. But everything from cutting out chemicals, to being more aware about what I’m putting into my body. And why a low fat diet didn’t do me any favours.

Today, though, I’d like to mention two specific things, because I think it’s important to share.

1. My newest discovery…

 

The hair analysis showed that my aluminium levels were high – and I mean HIGH. Who knew? I also didn’t know that what I was using each day on my armpits had aluminium in it! I mean armpits – where we have lymph glands, which play an important role in our body’s immune system .

If you you want to find out more about this topic, there’s an interesting and very informative article here: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/deodorant-aluminum-safety-what-you-should-know

After a little research, I bought these two bottles from Amazon. After using the product for a couple of months, I gave two bottles to each of my sons and their partners for Christmas… hint, hint.

The company’s blurb: Salt of the earth natural unscented deodorant is made from 100 percent natural ingredients and fragrance-free. This natural deodorant spray is free from aluminium Chlorohydrate, kind to skin and offers long-lasting protection from body-odour. Not tested on animals. Suitable for vegetarian and vegans.

They do a whole range of products, not just sprays, and also sell re-fill bottles, making it cheaper. My favourite is the natural one and the melon & cucumber – but they do a large range from pure armour for men, to coconut, lavender and vanilla etc. Prices range from £2.99 to £5.99 for a standard bottle as in the photo. It does last quite a while.

For further info check out their full range on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=Salt+Of+the+Earth&i=drugstore&search-type=ss&ref=bl_dp_s_web_0

 

2. My shock/horror discovery

Dark Waters (2019 film)
Everyone should watch this!

The story dramatises Robert Bilott’s case against the chemical manufacturing corporation DuPont after they contaminated a town with unregulated chemicals. … The film is based on the 2016 New York Times Magazine article “The Lawyer Who Became DuPont’s Worst Nightmare” by Nathaniel Rich.

‘https://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/10/magazine/the-lawyer-who-became-duponts-worst-nightmare.html‘

Who doesn’t have T*e*f*l*o*n in their kitchen/homes? Here are two other articles worth reading, the first from the US perspective:

https://thedevilweknow.com/get-the-facts/

and:

https://www.ecoparent.ca/eco-home/teflon-really-so-bad

I have an induction hob, but I’ve found that Vision glass cookware pans work and I’m using ceramic dishes instead of baking trays. Note: since using the glass cookware pans I’ve noticed a slight ‘bloom’ has developed on the surface where the pans sit. Might be worth checking with the manufacturer first but personally it doesn’t bother me.

Like it, or not, we all have to make decisions for ourselves and for our loved ones. With so much fake news around these days and a lot of things being hidden/suppressed (how did I not know about the T*e*f*l*o*n thing until I saw the film recently) it’s important that each of us MAKE UP OUR OWN MINDS. Don’t believe everything you read – be discerning and decide what makes sense to you.

I will be honest – some of my beliefs have changed quite radically over the last year for a number of different reasons. And I will be admitting some of my more dubious decisions in later posts, in case it’s useful to anyone else.

I see every step forward I take that is likely to make me, or my family, feel healthier and/or better as a big positive. And this is a time for counting the positives and rejecting the negatives.

Stay strong – we are all in this together, world-wide, aren’t we? When we come out the other side of it, some of the changes will be from the results of lessons learnt and that’s a positive, too.

Sending a virtual hug for those in need… I know I’m one of those!

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation, do not accept free gifts or money with regard to any product/person/organisation. Until next time…

I’ve never been busier – which is good for an author – and yet life has done what it usually does and thrown into the mix yet another kidney stone (the last of three since October) and a family illness that’s hard to accept. It has been a tough few months and Christmas was a time of very mixed feelings. Like any major worry, things drag on and somehow you have to get through it with your sanity intact.

My kidney stone is a pain, literally  and hopefully will soon be gone. But I have been working with a kinesiologist on my diet to make sure they don’t come back for the third time.  I’ll be writing more about this in a future post, as it’s been quite an experience.

What I wanted to talk about today, is something called: Emotional freedom technique (EFT). It’s an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping, or psychological acupressure. This technique, which involves tapping  various points around the body, is supposed to balance the energy system and treat pain.

A way to alleviate pain and it worked for me

PAIN. Yes. I can connect with that. I’ve used it extensively to help me cope with the pain of passing kidney stones and it has allowed me NOT to take painkillers, which usually upset my system and make me feel even worse. As far as I’m concerned, anything that helps which doesn’t involve ingesting chemicals, is worth trying and it works for me. But what I’ve discovered, is that it can help in many other ways, too.

It helped me with my fear of taking-off and landing when flying

I love flying – once I’m up in the air – but getting up there and getting back down has always turned me into a quivering wreck.  It’s embarrassing as I really do panic, my heart rate shoots up and I grab onto my husband’s hand as if I’m going to die. However, on a recent research trip to Seville, I used EFT. Not wanting to draw attention to myself (you can tap various points, including the top of your head), I gently tapped along the side of each thumb and finger in turn (on both hands), with two fingers.

And it worked. Not only does it distract you, for the first time EVER my stomach was not tied up in knots, my heartbeat remained normal and I felt relaxed. For me, that was little short of a miracle.

It helps me cope with worry (as with serious illness in the family) when it threatens to overwhelm me

I’m a nurturer and I really struggle to accept that sometimes we are powerless to help those we love. Experiencing pain is one thing, seeing someone you love in pain is another. It makes you feel useless and it’s heart-breaking. And worries like that tend to weigh on your mind when you lay down to sleep, don’t they? It’s easy to tap when you’re lying in bed and what I find is that it’s instantly calming. My mind is distracted, because my body acknowledges the tapping and instead my focus is on the feeling that it generates.

Now this is simply how I experience it, but the effects are very real. And beneficial. Of course, there are many YouTube videos and posts online which explains in depth the various tapping points around the body. For those interested in the science behind it, it’s a different use of the energy pathways/meridian points. Acupuncturists use over 300 meridian points and, of course, some people are familiar with the age old Chinese median system.

But if you are looking for a quick introduction about why, where and how to… this is a post I stumbled across online to which I often refer:

https://www.emofree.com/nl/eft-tutorial/tapping-basics/how-to-do-eft.html

 

Relaxing, candlelit baths with magnesium flakes, and meditation sessions have also helped me through this difficult time. I’m very fortunate, too, in that even when I’m in pain or worrying about someone else, I can at least escape into my writing. I’ve written while in the A&E department of a local hospital, waiting for a CT scan to see what one of my stones was doing. And I once wrote the final chapters of a Christmas book, from a hospital bed during the early hours of the morning,  after having had an operation to remove a stone.

I’ve learnt that when I’m distracted it stops me dwelling on things I can’t change.  Pain lessens, my mind slows down and it stops me panicking. I wish I’d discovered EFT sooner, but now I have I feel I’ve been given a gift. A gift that involves using my fingers… a bit like writing.

With my latest book, A Springtime to Remember, released on the 26 December 2019 and my next book, Summer in Provence, due out on the 7 April 2020, AND two more titles due out later this year – yes, I’m crazily busy. But I’m not stressed, I’m coping and trying to focus on the good things – because even when life is tough, there is so much for which to be grateful.

The kids are all well and smiling.

Spring is coming.

And miracles do, sometimes, happen.

Wishing everyone a healthy, happy and peaceful 2020 – one filled with love…

 

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation, do not accept free gifts or money with regard to any product/person/organisation. Until next time…

 

Me time?

Everyone needs a little ‘me’ time, but in a busy life where there are too many demands for those meagre twenty-four hours each day, our own needs slip down (or off) the ‘to do’ list, right? Wrong.

So what, if at the end of the day you are too tired to take time for you, at least you’re surviving. Well, the truth is that’s a red flag.

It’s not about quantity, but quality, when you need that instant  feel-good factor. Think about what puts a smile on your face – reading a book? Listening to your favourite music? Taking some pamper time to relax in a bubble bath? Even a stint in the garden weeding, or pruning, will get you out in the fresh air for a breather.

It’s about avoiding living one’s life on auto pilot, which is easy to do – particularly if you are a nurturer and have lots of people relying upon you.

My problem is that I get bored very easily. So sitting and doing nothing – oh, that’s called relaxing, isn’t it? – has never been my thing.  Because I wake up very early and that’s my super-productive time, I tend to run out of steam early evening. That’s when I watch TV, which doesn’t count as ‘me’ time – it’s vegging out time before bed.

To perk myself up, particularly during very frenetic  periods of my life, I look for something engaging to give me an instant boost. So when my schedule is crazy, instead of taking my coffee break at the computer, I can often be found with a paint brush in my hand. I really enjoy up-cycling old items I find in junk shops and car boot sales.

I also enjoy making stencils and creating little areas of interest on a wall. It’s quick and easy to create and fun!

Six easy steps:

1. In modern houses, the master bedroom ensuite is usually small, so it’s a case of adding a little interest.
2. Recycle some cardboard – preferably anything with a shiny surface, as it’s less likely to absorb the emulsion paint.
3. Draw on your pattern and use small scissors to cut out the shapes – curved nail scissors are excellent.
4. You will need some Frog tape to attach your stencils to the wall and I use an old washing-up sponge to dab on the paint. I pull off the abrasive pad, cut the sponge into two and cut out ‘bits’ so it makes an uneven surface.
5. Use the frog tape to attach your stencils to the wall.
6. Dab on the paint. For this stencil I drew in the ‘stems’ with a felt tip pen afterwards, then dabbed them with a wet cloth to soften the look and blur the edges. I then used a pencil to draw in the spines on the leaves.

A rustic look is much better than a pristine look and this cost nothing, as I already had the emulsion paint and I always have Frog tape in the cupboard. When you tire of the design, simply lightly sand the stencils, apply another coat of the background colour and try something new!

No matter what ups and downs we negotiate, it’s often the small things that help to calm and relax us. It’s just a case of finding what works for you. Whether it’s knitting, baking cakes, going for a walk, flower arranging… each to their own. TV and computer games have their place, but they don’t have the same sense of fulfilment as getting hands-on to create something, or getting physical. It’s all about getting those endorphins pumping around your body to invigorate you. Just find a few things you can easily slot in to break up the day. A change is as good as a rest!

Not just a beautiful smell… but useful for cough/cold/flu season!

 

Coughs and colds come around with monotonous regularity and can make you feel truly awful! I’m a great believer in using a aromatherapy diffuser/night light/humidifier – I have one in my office and one in the bedroom.  I bought them from Amazon and they cost around £15.99:

https://amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B06XGRQ4KB/

I add a few drops of essential oils and it really lifts the spirits and filters around the house, making it smell wonderful. It’s more natural than a shop-bought air freshener.

My favourite oils are – lavender, tea tree and Egyptian geranium. They are all inexpensive (a couple of pounds each) and both lavender and tea tree have antiseptic properties. But did you know that if you have a cough/cold you can add a few drops of eucalyptus oil and, sitting near to the humidifier, the steam is very beneficial and will help to calm that cough and loosen a tight chest?

Because I tend to run the one in my office throughout the entire working day, I make up a 500ml bottle by filling it with water and then adding a dozen drops each of lavender and tea tree, and about eight drops of Egyptian geranium.  Every time I fill up the little well in the machine, I shake the bottle first to distribute the oil and it takes a couple of seconds.

Working from home, in particular, I feel it’s important to make your surroundings as pleasant and relaxing as possible. For me, a wonderful smell is as essential as keeping everything around me clean and tidy, for peace of mind.

I often read in bed and this particular piece of kit has a little light with different settings. It’s very relaxing to have on in the background and a perfect way to wind down at the end of a busy day.

Born to write

Most people assume that as a full-time author I write every single day. That works for many, but I don’t set myself a daily word count target.

It’s very exciting to start a new work in progress and if I had my way I’d disappear until I find myself typing ‘The End’. I find it disruptive to break off, but unfortunately it isn’t possible to suspend everything else in my life to indulge my ideal working practice! Not least because I’m the chef in our house and it’s one task (unlike dusting) that requires attention three times a day.

I wake very early and I’m most productive between 5 a.m. and 1 p.m. So, whether I’m writing, editing, working on my website, designing graphics for Twitter etc that is the time when I can motor through the work. But I like to focus on one thing and then after lunch, I multi-task.

There is always a ‘to do’ list of odds and ends. Sometimes, depending on the stage I’m at with a story, I can then get back to writing. If there are no family demands, and because writing is a form of relaxation for me, I’ll write through until bedtime.

The truth is that I’d rather write than watch TV, for instance, because it’s my happy place. And that, I find, is the key to feeling content. Even before I gave up the day job to write, I had two diverse careers – with a few equally as enjoyable, shorter-term work experiences – but all of them things that I really enjoyed doing.

That’s not to say there weren’t boring bits… to get one particular job, early on in my career, I had to input the data from 5,000 forms onto a database. I was on a casual contract and knew that if I succeeded in getting the task done, there was a good chance they’d take me on. And they did – I never had to process data again.

My former careers taught me many life skills that I use every day as a writer. And it gave me a wealth of experiences to call upon. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason – whether it feels good, or bad – it’s a learning curve.

So if today is one of those where you are seeing the down side of life, take heart. Tomorrow could be the day when you hit a new high!

Keep smiling…

 

 

 

 

How do you cope when life hands you lemons? Especially when some areas of your life are going well and then, suddenly, another area falls apart?

When someone close to you is very ill, it sucks the joy out of everything and yet you have to remain strong and positive. Juggling family worries, a new book launch, the bathroom being ripped out (lots of noise, dust, and water and electricity going off and on) – well, my sanctuary is writing. And I’m grateful to have that, as it shuts everything else out for a while. I can then re-enter the world calmer, stronger and ready to do battle. And life is a battle of sorts. You can either lie down and whimper, or you can get up and fight.

I’m sharing this because if you are looking for a great way of relaxing, I’ve recently discovered Tai Chi. It’s something I’ve always meant to try and you know how it is – time rolls by. But with everything that has been going on recently, I realised that I needed it NOW. I’d not been sleeping well, as the moment my head hit the pillows the worries were relentless.

One thing about being faced with a problem where there’s nothing you can do (other than listen and be there when needed) is that it makes it doubly stressful. You feel as if there should be something you can do to fix it. But when it’s down to the doctors and prayers, it’s a humbling experience and it does put everything else into perspective.

So I figure that if I take care of ME, then I will be stronger to help those around me.

What I love about Tai Chi is that it’s gentle and meditative. You can break off in the middle of a busy day to spend ten minutes doing something that will immediately calm you. Whether that’s the thoughts whirling around inside your head, or simply relaxing your body.

I was lucky enough to join a local class run by a very motivating and informed lady, Ann Evans, and while my moves are not as graceful and perfectly formed as Ann’s, the benefit was immediate.

 

 

It can be done anywhere, but Ann explained that being grounded is important. The electrical energy builds up in our bodies and having bare foot contact with the ground is a great way to discharge it. Now, I’ve never walked on grass in my bare feet before, because I have sensitive, ticklish feet.

But, as I spend many hours each day either on my PC – or iPad – writing, what Ann said made a LOT of sense. So now I’m a convert. Even doing a little session in the rain one morning. Try it for yourself! And when I’m grabbing those precious minutes out in the fresh air it reminds me to look around – and there is nothing as calming as nature!

Another reason for my quest to keep myself as fit as possible is that I recently found myself in A&E. I had what is called a Baker’s cyst behind my knee and it burst, mimicking the symptoms of a blood clot. Fortunately, it’s down to a bone spur in my knee and I’m fine, but I will be blogging about an interesting connection with kidney stones (if any of you have experienced that) as it’s all interlinked. And now I’m addressing the cause (having had both) rather than the symptoms.

So while work is going well, other things have weighed (and continue to weigh) heavily on my heart; but it just reminds me to keep counting my blessings. And to keep sending out good karma, hoping it comes back to my family as healing love for those in need right now.

And it’s PAMPER TIME again…

Once a week I set aside an hour to meditate in a leisurely bath with some soothing music. But first I like to exfoliate my face using St Ives Apricot Scrub. It costs a couple of pounds and one tube lasts for ages.

It’s slightly gritty so you don’t need to rub hard, or for very long, but when I wash it off my skin feels clean and looks fresher/brighter.

I follow this with the Body Shop Drops Of Youth Liquid Peel. It’s probably the single most expensive product I’ve ever bought (£18) but it’s 100% vegan and lasts for a very long time if you use it once a week.

It contains the stem cells from three different plants and leaves my skin feeling silky smooth. I don’t use many products, mainly out of laziness, but as my skin ages and I wear less make-up, I don’t want it to look tired and jaded, but refreshed.

Note: I have normal skin with no cuts or skin issues. If you have sensitive skin, or skin problems, check out the manufacturer’s blurb, consult your doctor AND always do a small test patch of any product you are trying for the first time.

And finally… a Writer’s Life:

 

I thought it might be useful to any writers out there who drop in, to talk about the two most common questions I’m asked.

The first is:
What is my no. 1 writing tip?

Everyone’s style is different, so my top tip is to get organised. Record everything, takes copies of every little piece of research you carry out. If you are talking about flights, research times/stop overs etc. If there’s a building central to the plot, draw an internal layout so your descriptions are consistent. Family trees, together with dates of births/deaths etc, will make sure you don’t make a mistake over the age of a character. Believe me, it can happen!

For every story I have written I have a thick folder with pre-printed forms I use to record chapters – title, length and a few notes; I also record the timeline sequence; another is for characters names and traits etc etc. None of the files are less than two inches thick. BUT when it comes to structural editing time – often months after the manuscript was submitted – it’s easy to re-quaint myself with the characters again and double check information quickly.

The second question is usually:
What did I wish I’d known at the very start?

I don’t think I fully understood how much it would take over my life. Or how fulfilling it would be. Or how anxious I would be at times over numerous things.

Ironically, I’m a super-organised person by nature and I’m well-used to hard work. And I like to be busy and productive; it helps that I’m married to a man with the same traits, though. Some partners would not understand.

When you are following a passion and have been bitten by the bug, it’s like being on a fast moving train with no scheduled stops. You’re either in it for the long-haul, or you jump off. And then, possibly, live to regret it.

If opportunities come your way you have to be ready to grab them and do whatever needs doing to fulfil your obligations. It can very quickly go from the thrill of writing ‘The End’ to suddenly being on book six, seven, eight… and juggling everything that goes with it! So yes, I found myself in Italy on holiday and working before breakfast with a dodgy internet signal and the family saying ‘are you nearly finished?’ because I was on a blog tour.

I guess it’s like having a baby. Until the baby has arrived you can’t really imagine how it will affect your life. The answer for me was that I began with a rolling plan. Write some manuscripts, set up my author platform (website, FB, Twitter etc) and start submitting to publishers.

I reviewed it every year, setting myself more ambitious goals as I reached a new milestone. And I’m still rolling that plan on every January 1st. I still love what I do and have no regrets. But if I thought I’d worked hard in my previous careers, I will say that it does take a lot of commitment and dedication.

And I’m still riding the train, very grateful to be on it!

Coming soon:

When it comes to health a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, but no knowledge, is risky – taking control. I’ll be talking about hair analysis and my experiences.

Turning a bland bathroom into a sanctuary needn’t cost a fortune.

The placebo effect – does it matter?

Until next time – thank you for visiting and remember – everyone has problems, it’s just that they are all different. For me, sharing is caring and I hope you find a little nugget in my blog posts that resonates with you!

 

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation, do not accept free gifts or money with regard to any product/person/organisation. Until next time…

 

Sadly, happiness is not a permanent state of being for most people. We all have good days and bad days, but when life isn’t exactly a breeze it’s very easy to let it erode any semblance of the feel-good factor.

I find it particularly hard to let go of people, even when things have moved on. Changing jobs was always tough for me. Yes, there was excitement about the new challenge ahead, but saying goodbye was unsettling – change was coming.

But that’s only one type of ‘letting go’ – it also applies to baggage from the past that seems to hang around without an invite, or when something hurts your feelings. And if you are a sensitive soul like me, there will be occasions when people probably won’t even realise that’s the case. Then there are the days when we simply wish we hadn’t gotten out of bed because nothing seems to go right.

As an author I have a wide network of online friends, some of whom I’m in regular touch with and that’s an enormous help whenever I need a listening ear. And in return, I’m there when they need a confidential chat to let off steam.

But letting go is an art – whether it’s an old hurt, a disappointment, or simply a part of moving on to the next phase in your life.

The best advice I was ever given (many years ago) was to write down whatever was troubling me as a way of letting it go. It even helped after the loss of a loved one when, after a long vigil, I wasn’t there to say a final goodbye. It was something I needed to do, to move on.

Some people shred their notes, I go out into the garden, sit quietly and burn mine. There’s something so cathartic about watching your unread messages, inner feelings you don’t want to voice, turn into a ribbon of smoke. As it dissipates, I always feel lifted. And it works.

When life isn’t sailing along nicely, I avoid negativity in any way, shape, or form. I don’t read the news or allow myself to dwell on the harsher things in life. I actively seek out thoughts, tasks/activities and people who make me feel happy. It helps no one if I let my spirits spiral out of control and I’ve seen that happen to others.

Music is helpful, as is meditation. I also use Tarot and Oracle cards, because the messages that come back to me are always constructive. I am the master of my own destiny and I believe it’s important to LIVE that. Something as simple as pulling this card, from the Gaia Oracle deck by Toni Carmine Salerno, ‘Liberation – breaking free from a negative attachment’, will make me stop and think!

 

Whatever tools you use to raise your spirits and put things back into perspective, if it doesn’t make you feel GOOD then it’s not the right solution. A bar of chocolate might do the trick, but a whole family-size chocolate cake isn’t a good idea.

So what little luxuries, treats, fun things have lifted my spirits recently? Well – I love walking by the sea and one of my most favourite places to visit is the Gower Coast.

The walk between Caswell Bay and Langland Bay, on the stunning Gower Coast in Wales, takes about 45 minutes each way and the views are stunning. There are several places to sit on a bench looking out across the water and at the end of the walk there’s the Langland Brasserie. Lunch, or afternoon tea, is the perfect treat before the stroll back.

 

My bargain buy this month, at only £7.99, is a JSDDE 7 Chakra/Reiki Healing Crystal/Natural Gemstone bracelet with a little tree of life symbol. It was purchased for me as a gift and I love it so much I bought one for a friend I knew would appreciate the thought. I love the idea of receiving something and then paying it forward to share the love. It’s pretty to wear, even if you don’t believe in the power of gemstones/chakras/Reiki.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01MYNI95L/

 

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation with the product/person/organisation. As they say – sharing is caring and if you find something you like then job done! Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life can be a little too hectic and demanding at times, so it’s important to establish a few coping techniques. 

Today I have three top tips – motivational messages, pamper time, and how to ease an aching back for those who spend hours on the computer!

MOTIVATIONAL MESSAGES:

As an author I’m used to deadlines, but recently I had three lots of edits/proof reads from two different publishers all arrive within a couple of days of each other. Normally that’s not a problem – if they arrive one at a time. There’s no schedule for their arrival and normally the deadline is two to three weeks. That gives plenty of time to cope with the little problems life throws up on a regular basis and the usual ankle-biters – that unexpected blip on the computer, family demands, invitations you can’t refuse and (as it’s summer) hay fever.

It was time to focus and prioritise. After a few extremely long days, interspersed with babysitting duties (which are, of course, top priority), two of the three tasks were ticked off my list. Then back to the biggest task – a full structural edit.

So how do I keep it all together when, even in my ‘super-organised life‘, things I cannot control hit me head-on as if I’m being tested? Well, a few months ago I discovered The Universe Has Your Back! It’s a 52-card deck of cards from Gabrielle Bernstein, the gorgeous artwork is by Micaela Ezra.

Each morning I shuffle the cards until one falls out and I keep that card on my desk as a motivational tool. On the day that the third lot of edits arrived, two cards fell out and suddenly my spirits lifted. It reminded me to stop stressing and get on with it! I realised that: A. I’m fortunate enough to do something I love and I should never forget that, and B. once these three deadlines are out the way I can get back to my work in progress. Which is a Christmas book and I love being in Christmas mode!

I’d slipped into ‘woe is me’ mode, when the work really is fun AND although it was an obstacle, I was going in the right direction! The natural reaction to suddenly being swamped (when you are a planner) is to panic. Panicking wastes time and energy, and it’s a negative emotion. I also read tarot and oracle cards, which I find a great de-stressing tool, but I’ll come back to that in a future blog post.

 

This beautiful deck of cards costs around £10.00 on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Universe-Has-Your-Back-52-card/dp/178180933X/

 

and I can honestly say they are a little boost to kick-start my day. What I also find rather surreal, is how often the message really links in with whatever is going on with me.  There is a lot of negativity in this world and sometimes it can hit you when you are least able to fend it off. You might be feeling unwell, struggling with a problem you can’t easily resolve, or have had your armour dented. Enough to have chipped away at your confidence. Here’s one card that really made me stop and think, on a day I was feeling quite emotional:

I recognise that I have chosen fear, and I choose again.
I CHOOSE LOVE.

Enough said. If you are looking for a little bit of happiness in a box, these might just be for you.

 

PAMPER TIME!

A spa day is a very rare treat for me. I’m probably working harder than I’ve ever worked in my life before and I’m happy (and grateful) to be doing that, BUT I’m always aware of stress. Just spending hours in front of a computer screen, or even sitting in the garden writing on my iPad, it’s all pure concentration. So how do I unwind?

My weekly (sometimes twice-weekly if I need it) pamper kit doesn’t cost a lot.  I nip into our local HOME BARGAINS store and for less than £5 I’m sorted. The Dead Sea Collection bath salts (£1.99) are amazing and my favourite is the lavender oil salts, although I do like the coconut oil variety, too. Containing magnesium (for good metabolism), potassium (for good energy flow), bromide (a natural antiseptic and skin smoother), chloride (for good cell mineral balance) and sodium (which balances water levels) a 30-minute soak revitalises and relaxes me. One tub this size (34.2 oz) is enough for 5 sessions.

While I’m soaking I love the Derma V10 woven masks. Usually they are on sale at just under £1 each. Soaked in collagen, you lay the mask over your face while you relax in the bath. It’s cooling on the skin and leaves it feeling very soft. 

I’m also an avid fan of exfoliating – and I will be posting more about this in a future post on home facials. The gloves, which cost £1 a pair, last for months. I use Cusson’s Imperial Leather gentle care soap for sensitive skin and find that it lathers well on the gloves, leaving my skin with a little glow.

A home spa treatment that doesn’t cost a fortune – but always test
a product on your skin before you use it for the first time.
Just in case you have an allergy, or it’s too strong for you.

OH, THAT ACHING BACK…

Even though I take regular breaks, I work long hours on the computer. I use an old, wooden, science lab stool which aligns my spine without any conscious effort and is very comfortable. But I’ve found, increasingly, that I’ve been rounding my shoulders, almost hunching them without noticing what I was doing. 

 

I purchased this Gritin posture corrector for £9.99 and the different it has made is incredible. I wear it whenever I’m typing. Well, to be honest, I wear it all the time when I’m at home. And when I’m exercising (more to come on that topic very soon). 

Not only has it stopped the ache I was getting, but muscles – it seems – have a memory. My posture has never been the best, but I do stand straighter now and feel much better for it. I certainly no longer roll my shoulders forward while I’m typing and that, too, encourages me to maintain the natural curve of my spine. The one I purchased is out of stock at the moment but a quick look on Amazon and I found a similar product:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07GXSNVMD/

But there are lots of styles to choose from to suit every price range.

 

I think that today’s post pretty well sums up what’s going on in my life at the moment. Some very intense periods of work which I’m trying my best to balance out by making sure I feel good. Both mentally and physically.

When I’m on the other side of this frenetic period, I will be able to take some quality down-time. But my focus is firmly on not comfort eating, or over-indulging in anything that will end up leaving me feeling jaded. I still fit in my exercise regime every other day and adhere to the healthy eating programme I began almost a year ago. 

What has to give? Well, social media isn’t just a part of my work, it’s a part of my life. It’s how I stay in touch with people I don’t see very often. However, I’m only human and there are only so many hours in a day. So to friends awaiting messages from me – “waves” and so glad you popped in to see what I’m up to! I will be back, I promise. I just have a Christmas book to finish and then I’m taking a break… maybe…

 

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation with the product/person/organisation. As they say – sharing is caring and if you find something you like, then job done! Until next time…

 

 

Have you ever wondered why so many of the old wives’ tales and sayings contain more than simply a grain of truth? Well, often it’s all about common sense, but there’s nothing at all common about sense. It took a lot of life experience for these little gems of wisdom to be seemingly conjured up out of thin air.

A stitch in time saves nine – sounds bizarre, doesn’t it? But years ago when you couldn’t simply pop to the shop and buy a new jumper (due to cost and/or availability), someone had to sit down with needles and wool to knit it. And what happened if it developed a hole? Well, you stitched it, because if you didn’t the hole would get bigger and before you knew it, it wouldn’t be wearable.

Like it, or not, life experience teaches us lessons that we need to learn. But that means being aware and taking note. Or going around in circles constantly making the same mistakes.

Which leads me to the question ‘Is it time to get your ducks in a row?‘

Spring and summer is a time of renewal and Mother Nature knows her stuff! She does it every single year. Time to let the old leaves etc break down and go back into the earth and replace it with fresh, new shoots. And then comes the explosion of colour and vibrancy, which along with some sunshine is like a shot of adrenaline. Mother nature does an annual de-clutter and so should we!

Doing an annual clean to spruce up the house is both cathartic and re-energising. But more than that it also raises the spirits. Your surroundings matter. If you live in a disorganised, dusty/dirty environment your surroundings can begin to feel oppressive. If you live in an orderly, clean environment… you get the message. Home should be a relaxing place, your haven from the world.

Working from home, with tight deadlines, I can honestly say that I work best when I feel that all aspects of my life are reasonably under control. My first priority is family/friends, then work, but in order to keep everything ticking over I’ve had to share the ‘home’ workload (which was tough for me). Together, my partner and I whip things into shape in the least time possible by keeping on top of everything.

Top tips for that once-a-year kick-start to achieve the feelgood factor:

Start at the top of the house and work down.

Buy a long-handled duster mop and work from the top of the walls down to the floor.

Clean the light fittings.

I use Flash lemon cleaner to wet wipe every surface, furniture, skirting boards and doors. Don’t forget the light switches.

Vacuum every inch of the floor/wet wash if a solid floor.

Vacuum the mattresses. Check your duvets, pillows and pillow shams – do they need washing, or replacing?

Go through your wardrobe and recycle anything you no longer use. Wipe out the inside of cupboards to freshen them up.

Get the kids involved – time to clear out the old toys they have outgrown. Kids learn by example and it’s a great way to let them see that houses don’t tidy, or clean, themselves!

Curtains and rugs – take them outside and give them a good shake. Dust curtain poles etc. Pull out all of the furniture for that once-a-year deep clean.

In the kitchen – blitz the fridge, freezer and cooker. Make it sparkle and then keep on top of it by wiping things over at least once a month. Then move on to the bathrooms – discard any products you no longer use as you clean out cupboards etc.

Then stand back – savour that fresh, clean smell and remind yourself that the way to stop something being a big CHORE is to keep on top of it. Why not plan to have a once-a-month targeted clean? Cleaning an oven or fridge after only a month’s use is infinitely easier than cleaning it every six months etc.

The annual clean can also involve touching up damaged woodwork, or giving a room a quick lick of paint to freshen it up. I’ll have more tips on how to save time and money when it comes to house maintenance in a later post. But if time is a precious commodity in your life, being organised can save you A LOT OF TIME – believe me, that was one of my biggest life lessons!

Of course, it’s not just old wives’ tales that endorse the benefits of the BIG clean. Have you heard of Feng Shui? It endorses some of nature’s most basic principles. This is a lady I’ve followed for a while:

The amazing Kathryn Weber
https://redlotusletter.com/

I’m constantly searching for ways to enhance and make my life better. It’s all about generating that feelgood factor. I’ve been more than happy to adopt some of the Feng Shui principles that have resonated with me. I was delighted to discover that there were quite a few I’d been embracing quite naturally for many years. Why not click and have a read – you might find something of benefit to you.

OK – we’re done with cleaning, how about raising a smile? I like to have things around me that instantly raise a smile. From the kitsch, to the statement piece – and often it’s not expensive, just fun. Here is a modern version of a cuckoo clock (from Dunelm) hung on a stencilled tree in the kitchen. It make the corners of my mouth go up every time I walk past it and the kids absolutely LOVE it!

My best, fun purchase this month was £8 from Primark. I’m a cat lover – what can I say? If you love the Pusheen emoji’s what’s more fun than jumping into bed wearing this?

Managing one’s time – life/work/family – is the key to feeling less stressed and happier. Decluttering, getting organised and making the mundane easier = a good investment.

Pop back next month to see what bargains I’ve managed to stumble across and more tips on how to organise your life/home/family whilst staying reasonably sane…

Remember: some things in life are down to the choices we make, so make them good ones!

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation with the product/person/organisation. As they say – sharing is caring and if you find something you like then job done! Until next time…

Future posts include:

The fight to keep fit; ergonomics when you spend hours at your PC; keeping calm when the pressure is on; life hacks and much more!

It’s been a while since I had the time to blog, but I’m sure many people would agree that sharing can be a very cathartic process. So, here is the first post in a series I’m calling: The Happiness Factor. I will be sharing my top tips on everything – from the world of writing, to interior design ideas and anything in between, which I think might help someone else on their own life journey! In particular, the things that help to keep me sane, despite the madness swirling around me.

Grabbing life and running with it has always been my motto. But that’s easy to say and the reality is that life is never easy for any of us!

It’s taken me three years to re-balance my life and I did this by telling myself I needed to work SMARTER and not HARDER. In truth, I couldn’t possibly have worked any harder. But everything I was doing at that time meant something to me, so there were some very tough choices to be made.

After running the online e-magazine Loveahappyending.com, it was very sad to say goodbye to it because the editors, contributors and readers had become a big part of my life. But I was also a writer, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend, and a colleague. 

What I learnt was that if you spread yourself too thinly then this is what happens:

a) you end up frazzled

b) when something insignificant goes wrong it can often feel like the final straw

c) you start to feel guilty if you can’t be everything to everyone and instantly available

d) opportunities that come your way begin to pose a real dilemma as you know that grabbing them could leave you feeling conflicted

So what is the answer to maintaining one’s sanity?

Well, you sit and meditate. What are your hopes and dreams? What will it take for YOU to remain happy and motivated, so you can continue to fulfil all those other roles you have in your life?

I learnt that letting go is hard.

I learnt that I deserved to think about what I wanted and not just think about other people, because it gave my life balance.

Balance made me happier and saying ‘no’ is sometimes the only way to maintain one’s sanity.

Three years on and I’m now the author of an Amazon UK top 5 novel ‘Snowflakes over Holly Cove’. And in that time I’ve had another six novels published by two different publishers. Thanks to my lovely readers, they have all had best-seller flags around the world and as an author that is what keeps me writing. It’s the thought that people are escaping into my stories that validates the work I do and that’s reader power, folks!

But even when you do something you love, and you work hard to keep that life/work balance in check as best you can, stress is never far away. I’ve just been through one of the most exciting, stressful, exhilarating and testing months of my life. Everything from major work decisions, to celebrating the 10th anniversary of the loss of my lovely mum.

And what I discovered was that three years on from my major working smarter – not harder initiative, it was time for another overhaul!

This time I had to go back to basics and that was to get back in touch with the inner me. With a massively busy work desk and meetings requiring travel, family commitments and a cold that felt more like the ‘flu, I will admit it knocked me sideways.

I allowed myself some guilt-free down time. Now, as a person who thrives on being productive, achieving something – whether it’s painting a wall, cleaning the house, or writing a book – that’s not easy for me to do. Five minutes sitting in the garden and I’m bored, so I’m up and weeding. But my gut instincts were telling me I needed to rest, relax and think.

I used the time to catch up on one of my favourite past times – discovering what the planetary alignments were doing to make this particular Gemini’s life so crazy! I follow the awesome Susan Miller:

https://www.astrologyzone.com/horoscopes/

And I also spent time on YouTube watching tarot readings by the inspirational Nicholas Ashbaugh and Adalina Bonn:

https://www.youtube.com/user/NicholasTarot/videos 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf1jlrBcrRy0UI1H7L273RQ

The result was that I shook that flu-like cold much more quickly than a lot of people I knew who also had it. I came to terms with some very difficult decisions (more news on that to come) and I recharged my batteries. It also helped to explain why life was speeding up, and for those who believe in this sort of thing, that is an ENORMOUS help. It wasn’t just me, honestly – many Geminis would have felt the effects!

Am I super excited about my next steps? Absolutely!

Did I fight off the stress demons? Yes!

Now, you might not be into astrology or tarot. Your go-to relaxation/support mechanisms/head-clearing aids might be listening to music, or watching films. Or nights out with friends…

Whatever works for you, it’s important to realise WHEN you need to take that time out and WHAT works best. Try to avoid things you might end up regretting – a shopping spree, or comfort eating (a little is fine in my book!) for example. And feel confident that the people around you will understand if you suddenly need to spirit yourself away to a quiet place for a short while. Those who don’t, don’t really know or care for you.

I’m back working on edits for my next Christmas novel and feeling re-energised. And grateful to Susan, Nicholas and Adalina for their part in lifting my spirits and reminding me to listen to what my gut instincts were trying to tell me.

I thought it would also be fun to talk about my ‘best buys‘ – I do love a bargain and this handbag/backpack from makers Bessie was only £25 from TK Maxx! If you haven’t discovered this range of bags here is their website:  https://www.bessielondon.com/

Good quality bags at affordable prices and some beautiful designs!

In future posts I will share products I’ve purchased which for one reason or another, I’ve found a boon. In particular, a back-brace I use when I’m spending long hours at the keyboard; and products I use to create a relaxing environment in my study.

I knew in early 2019 that it was going to be an exciting year, but that means lots of hard work and making sure I keep myself in good shape physically and mentally. So, of course, I’ll also be sharing my top tips on that, too!

Wishing everyone a happy April – thanks so much for dropping by and do pop back to check out
the next Happiness Factor blog, which will include:

My favourite Feng Shui practices;
why the annual clean/de-clutter is a good idea (yes, really!)
and why walking into your favourite room
should always make you smile!

 

Please note – all opinions are my own. Any products/links I share are because I have purchased, or used the product, and I have no affiliation with the product/person/organisation. As they say – sharing is caring and if you find something you like then job done! Until next time…