Bestselling Brianna Middleton has won the hearts of millions of readers with her sweeping – and steamy – love stories. But the girl behind the typewriter is struggling… Not only does she have writer’s block, but she’s a world-famous romance author with zero romance in her own life.

So the opportunity to spend the summer teaching at a writer’s retreat in an idyllic villa on the shores of Lake Garda – owned by superstar author Arran Jamieson – could this be just the thing to fire up Brie’s writing – and romantic – mojo?

Could Brie’s sun-drenched Italian summer could be the beginning of this writer’s very own happy-ever-after…

 

Available on multiple platforms in various formats. For Amazon UK and US click on the buy links below:

HTTPS://WWW.AMAZON.CO.UK/SUMMER-ITALIAN-LAKES-BESTSELLING-FEEL-GOOD-EBOOK/DP/B07HPD2KNV

HTTPS://WWW.AMAZON.COM/GP/PRODUCT/B07HPD2KNV

 

Audio link:

HTTPS://WWW.AMAZON.CO.UK/SUMMER-ON-THE-ITALIAN-LAKES/DP/B0BCKY52K9

HTTPS://WWW.AMAZON.COM/SUMMER-ON-THE-ITALIAN-LAKES/DP/B0BCKW74MW

 

READ CHAPTER ONE:

 

Prologue

Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
My hand gropes around in the semi-darkness for yet another tissue; the flow of tears is now almost completely obliterating my vision. When all that my fingers succeed in finding is a gaping cardboard hole, it is with great reluctance that I drag my watery gaze away from those adoring eyes in front of me.

Empty? How can the box be empty?

I scowl in disgust, scanning the sofa and taking in the profusion of crumpled whiteness caught in the flickering glow from the TV screen. I’m surrounded on one side by what looks like a surreal stack of miniature snowballs and, despite my tears, I begin laughing. With a defeated shrug, I drag the sleeve of my PJ top across each cheek in a quick swiping action. Then I return my gaze to its original position staring, mesmerised, into Jude Law’s eyes.

He’s looking directly at me as if it’s just the two of us here and I take in every little detail of that half-smile he’s trying so hard to disguise. Okay, so it’s aimed at Cameron Diaz and not at me because I’m watching The Holiday and it’s just a film; but on pause Cameron isn’t even in the frame. Jude is all mine to savour for as long as I want.

To my horror, suddenly the screen goes black as the TV switches into standby mode and the room is consumed in an eerily bleak darkness. With a thudding heart, I frantically scrabble around, desperately trying to locate the remote control and in the process upending the remains of a bowl of crisps.

‘Damn it! Now is not the time to be eco-friendly!’ I cry out angrily, at my so-called intelligent TV system.

My fingers continue to rake across the surface of the sofa, each passing second making me feel increasingly desperate. Home alone. And in the dark I’m feeling scared. A creak behind me sets me on edge, my heart beginning to race and increasing the urgency of my search. I discover the half eaten bar of chocolate and push it carefully to one side, then move on to discover the almost empty bag of popcorn. Swallowing hard to disperse a lump that has risen in my throat, I’m painfully aware that binge eating isn’t the answer to anything. But you know how it is, one handful turns into two… then three.

As my eyes finally begin to adjust to the gloom, I see a dark shape poking out from beneath the discarded scatter cushion. I snatch it up, stabbing my index finger on the power button. Two clicks and Jude is back, bathing us both in a comforting glow of light. Warmly wrapped up in his navy blue, wool overcoat and sporting that festive red scarf, the ground around him is dusted with snow. I settle back, feeling happy once more.

‘I missed you,’ I whisper, softly. My voice wavers a little. I wish he could talk back. To me. And not to Cameron.

That gorgeously cheeky little glint in his eye threatens to melt my now calm heart, as I surrender to his powerfully romantic gaze. Stuffing a generously sized square of chocolate into my mouth, I rather reluctantly press play and the film continues. The camera pans around to catch the utterly gorgeous Cameron fluttering her eyelashes at Jude, and in that instant she snatches him back. Once more the tears start to fall. Sometimes life can be so cruel.

Why can’t I find my own Jude Law?

Sniff. Swipe. Sniff.

Word Count: Zero

It’s 6 a.m. and I should be online stoking the flames of my social media train and littering the internet with my sexy book covers. After all, who doesn’t want to look at a gorgeous, half-naked man with an eight-pack at this time of the morning? Well, the truth is me, for one. Unless it’s the real thing, of course.

Instead, I hop out of bed and slink downstairs to make a strong cup of coffee and grab a packet of biscuits, before I head back to write. Which is ironic, because I haven’t written a word now for over a month. Well, not one that still exists on the blank page beneath a rather lonely looking title, as they’ve all been consigned to the electronic bin.

I have no idea why I can’t seem to break this cycle which feels as if I’m going around in a never ending circle. Write, delete; write, delete. And I’m even hiding myself away from everyone – except the enigmatic Jude Law, of course, but I don’t think that counts. It’s been weeks since I ventured outside. Apart from brief exchanges with the postman and the online supermarket delivery guy, I’m turning into a virtual recluse. I haven’t looked at my inbox for days now and I can’t remember the last time I wore anything other than PJs or a tracksuit.

I’m supposed to be working towards a deadline, but the line is well and truly dead, with a zero word count so far. I mean, this inability to settle down and make a real start can’t last forever, can it?

With a dozen plus novels under my belt, over half of which are international bestsellers, the expectations of me are high. I’m a professional and if I can’t fill the screen with meaningful words then it’s over and the bills won’t get paid. I don’t have a back-up plan if the day job goes awry and I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything else. It’s the only job I’ve ever had and therein lies the problem, I suspect. Do all writers eventually run out of things to say, the spring of inspiration reduced to a dribble? Or in my case, drivel.

Come on, Brie, pull yourself together. Have a shower, brush your teeth and your hair and instead of lying in bed battling with a string of words that aren’t inspiring you at all, sit down in front of that very expensive desk of yours.

Maybe I need to feel the part again, rather than glancing in the mirror and wondering why it doesn’t shatter when I see that Medusa head staring back at me.

Make this the day when things start to pick up, lady. The little voice inside my head is adamant. There is a story in there somewhere, but it isn’t the one my agent, or publisher, is expecting. I groan out loud. The price you pay for not being true to yourself is that it’s rather like wearing a mask. At some point it could slide off and that’s precisely why I’m in this mess now.

When your birthday just happens to fall on the fourteenth of February you are pretty much marked for life. It was my fourth birthday and the memories are still vivid in my mind. After I’d opened a stack of presents, my dad gave my mum a large bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates tied up with a big red bow. I’d never even heard of Valentine’s Day, until a friend broke the news later that day. Well, she was more of an acquaintance really: the playground is a tough place and kids can be crushingly mean.

‘You aren’t special at all,’ Carol Ann had taunted. ‘They aren’t happy just because you’re another year older. No one really cares about that. Everyone has a birthday!’ And in a split second the party was over.

But as time passed the significance became an ever increasing thrill. So many people expressing their love at the same time: sending a wave of good karma rippling outwards to warm the hearts of even the least romantic folk amongst us. I also came to believe that I had been doubly blessed; I hadn’t just been born a true romantic at heart, but also an eternal optimist. I awaited each birthday with eager anticipation because it was a day when a lot of people were very happy. To be surrounded by couples pledging their love and giving each other thoughtful gifts, flowers, and even engagement rings, was special. And that made me feel extra special too, as if the promise of finding a perfect love had been bestowed upon me. I simply had to bide my time until our paths crossed. And, of course, I would instantly know he was the one I was destined to be with forever.

My first crush was a brief and painful experience; he broke my heart by not reciprocating my overwhelming feelings. I was distraught for a while, but my heart eventually healed. My second crush, Lucas, happened when I was nine years old and he broke my heart, too. The pattern was set and as the years rolled on, so the former boyfriend count continued to mount.

The problem with being a dreamer and a wistful romantic is that it’s hard to find a man to live up to your dreams. At the tender age of fifteen I began writing and creating my own heroes. Four years later I finally had a manuscript worthy of getting some attention and after an editor knocked off the edges and corrected my erratic punctuation, it was good to go. My first publisher believed in the sort of stories I wanted to write, but three novels later the sales figures weren’t exactly setting the charts alight. And I was still living at home with my parents. Then I met my agent, the awe inspiring, Carrie Preston. She is the definition of a bubbly personality and an uber confident person. So much so, that she has become the role model for my feisty heroines. Our first meeting was brutal. She didn’t hold back.

‘The truth is, Brie, that sex sells books. Do you want to earn some money, or languish in the charts and scrape by?’

I remember recoiling in horror. Sex? As it turned out, what I lacked in experience I made up for in imagination. Well, aided by a copy of the Kama Sutra, which turned out to be a tax deductible item – according to my accountant. I let my imagination run riot. It was bestseller time and I enjoyed basking in the glory.

Living with my parents had allowed me to save a satisfying large nest egg. I only needed a small mortgage to buy a quirky, thatched, five bedroom cottage in the Forest of Dean and finally I had my independence. This was my investment for the future and enough of a project that there would be a handsome profit at the end of it. With the messy building work out of the way, yes, I do rattle around in it, but one day I hope to share it with someone special. And a couple of kids… if I’m lucky. Or sell it and have the sort of financial freedom only a big chunk of cash in the bank can give you.

Then, a little over a year ago, I met the gorgeous Paul Turner, bass guitarist with Haphazard. He swept me off my feet, literally, and I was admittedly flattered. As a writer my life is governed by deadlines, interspersed with prolonged periods spent in the company of people I’ve made up. Add in a few book signings, a handful of literary dinners and the odd awards ceremony, and it’s not a glamorous lifestyle by any means. On balance, most of the time it’s a rather solitary existence. The truth is that I bumped into him at a point when I was beginning to feel that something was missing from my life.

When another batch of those glossy magazines had arrived with the shopping and I found myself flicking through them, I began to feel a tad lacklustre. My life was whizzing by – what exactly was I waiting for to kick start it? Would I wake up one day to find that my best years had passed me by while I was otherwise occupied? Doing more of the same, which is working, because it is an amazingly satisfying substitute and I will admit that, quite freely.

My sedentary lifestyle has meant that over the last couple of years I’ve piled on a few extra pounds. I don’t have a problem with that, as I was never designed to be straight up and down, but… there’s always a but, isn’t there? It had become increasingly apparent that my eating was getting just a little out of control. Doctor Carter, who guided me through my difficult teen years, hasn’t been happy with me for a while. After my last MOT, he didn’t mince his words.

‘Your blood sugar levels indicate you have a pre-diabetic condition, Brie. It’s your body giving you a warning signal loud and clear. If you don’t lose at least a stone and a half by reviewing your diet and getting active, you are storing up problems for the future. The solution is in your hands, my dear.’

I remember walking home from the surgery that day knowing that something had to change, but it’s easy to think that and hard to make it happen. Then I met Paul.

The first time I saw the face I knew so well from MTV up close, my jaw dropped. I was rooted to the spot, so much so that he nearly knocked me over as he swept through the lobby at The Protocol with his entourage that night. It was a smart new restaurant in Bristol that Mel had convinced me was a must, and she kept on and on about it until I gave in.

We were waiting in the queue when this mass of people suddenly descended and it was like a whirlwind had touched down. Two beefy security guards made their presence very obvious and there was an exciting buzz in the air. As one of the guys backed into me and I started to fall, Mel shrieked. Suddenly, Paul span around and within an instant he was there and I found myself in his arms. It was a moment from one of my novels, re-enacted, I swear. After apologising profusely, he asked me – well, us – to join him for dinner.

I remember so clearly, gazing into his eyes and saying yes. Later in the evening he asked me out on a real date. Could I be the life and soul of the party, dancing until dawn, I wondered? Well, I wasn’t convinced, but I wanted to find out. And the way Paul looked at me that night fooled me, for a while, into thinking I could be that person. I was excited and exhilarated by the thought of what was to come. Being with him changed me in ways that felt good at the time. I was caught up in the permanent high that existed around him. I felt alive, really alive, for the first time in ages.

Mel was delighted for me, of course. She genuinely felt she had achieved something by prising me, after a few moans and groans, out of my cosy little cottage that night to socialise. And when date one’s intimate little dinner for two turned out to be a resounding success, she was ecstatic. I looked at myself in the mirror and decided it was time. I cleared out the shameful piles of high sugar, high fat comfort foods that had become my daily snacks. Then, I pulled out my running gear and started jogging each morning.

My skin started to glow again and my hair was shinier. I had more energy and I was sleeping so much better. Mel was relieved, as she had tried to intervene when she saw I was becoming a hermit and always seemed to have a packet of biscuits within easy reach.

‘It’s fate,’ she’d said to me, with a huge grin. ‘You needed something to motivate you and I’m so happy for you, Brie. You look like you’re enjoying life again.’ And I was.

Just being around Paul was intoxicating at first because he was so attentive and it made me feel special. Until the paparazzi started snapping less than flattering photos, which seemed to prove I didn’t have one single good angle on me. Or a way of getting out of a car elegantly, even though by then I was a whole stone lighter. Slowly it began to erode my confidence whenever I was out and about with him.

Then, to my shame, the press started comparing me to Paul’s former girlfriends. They even congratulated him on the fact that the size of a woman’s thighs clearly didn’t bother him. I mean, how dare they? Amply proportioned was one of the terms used and that was only the start of the fat-shaming. But I wasn’t fat. I was a size twelve for goodness’ sake, and I’m never going to be stick thin. Nor do I want to be. But freedom of speech is a dangerous thing and it was impossible to stem the flow, or even correct the lies.

Worse was to come and that’s when I began reaching for the family size chocolate bars. For the first time in my life I regretted not writing under a pen name. As soon as Paul introduced me to someone and they heard the name Brianna Middleton, I swear their eyes would open wide in surprise.

‘Not the author?’ They’d query. Or, ‘Really?’ with that little lift in their voice implying I wasn’t what they were expecting at all.

If I thought that was bad, what happened next was a disaster. The name calling and trolling on Twitter sent me into panic mode. The whole world could see these very personal attacks and virtually all of them were about my appearance.

‘Have you seen the latest?’ I’d screeched down the phone at Mel one morning in a traumatised state.

‘No. But it’s only jealousy, Brie, anyway. They’re the ones who look pathetic and you shouldn’t take it to heart.’ Her empathy had been real, but her grasp of the situation was tenuous.

‘Okay – and I quote: “Seriously??? She needs a stylist… Poor Paul.” Then someone named CutieSue: “Another clinger-on. Book sales must be down lol!” Even the guys, MDR53 says: “Dude, what’s happening – is this a joke? Sizeable ass going on there.” And this! Pussykins1982: “Who do you think you are, lady? One burger too many in that dress.” There are whole threads, laughing and joking over the footage of me getting my coat caught in that revolving door! Someone has even posted a video clip of it on a continual loop set to music.’ I’d gasped, as my lungs ran out of air and I began to hyperventilate.

The clip made it look like I was simply too wide to get through the doorway because of the angle. The reality was that the hem of my coat jammed between the inner and outer revolving walls and the mechanism ground to a halt. With five paparazzi snapping away the other side of the glass, and my face getting redder by the moment as I tugged and tugged, it wasn’t a pretty sight.

Mel had been speechless and all she could do was to try and calm me down, saying eventually the haters would tire and I’d become old news.

I got it. Paul was a heartthrob; meltingly gorgeous and he only had to roll out of bed in the morning, grab a wrinkled T-shirt off the floor and he looked amazing. Even better when he forgot to shave, which he often did because he knew it made women’s jaws drop. It’s too easy for men, isn’t it?

Me? Well, I kept up my daily exercise regime to convince myself I was on the right track. But, once more, my cupboard was brimming over with the very things I knew I shouldn’t be eating.

I was also back and forth to the beauty salon waxing bits of me I hadn’t glanced at in a long while and wearing the weirdest nail combos going. Blingy bits aren’t really me and it was an utter nightmare typing, letting alone pulling up my leggings. But I felt the need to make myself better in some way to justify Paul’s attention. The irony was that he didn’t seem aware of the agonies I was going through. He seemed to like me the way I was, but I didn’t like me the way I was and neither did the haters, or the press.

I felt a little like Cinderella. The excitement of being a part of Paul’s life was rather like going to a big party you’ve been looking forward to for ages. As the night draws to a close, though, you simply want to crawl under the duvet and sleep for hours and hours. I ran out of steam. The negativity overwhelmed me and I stopped trying. In fact, I did the reverse. It wasn’t one slice of cake, it was the whole cake and it showed. Quickly I gained back the stone in weight that I’d lost and added another eight pounds to that. My daily jog was now a slow walk.

Paul grew concerned about the backlash and the changes he could see in me. Then his manager became involved. He tried talking me out of going to one of Paul’s promotional events because, clearly, I wasn’t feeling very happy with myself. I was devastated. I ended up having a mini meltdown when I decided to go anyway, but later found I could no longer get into the dress I’d bought expressly for the event. And that was even yanking on an industrial set of Spanx. I’d gone from a size twelve to a size sixteen virtually overnight. Or so it seemed.

I was growing tired of trying to prove I was… what, suitable girlfriend material? That I could look glamorous enough to justify being in his life? My thoughts went beyond shallow. Beyond any level-headed person’s thought processes. And, yes, I am ashamed to admit that I fell into that pit for a while. The negativity coming at me from all sides, though, began to brainwash me.

When we eventually split up, his actual words chilled my heart like an icy blast from the arctic.

‘It’s no longer fun, Brie, and my agent says this isn’t doing me any favours. Image is everything these days. It goes with the job, as they say and you either live up to that, or you walk away.
You’re a serious little thing, aren’t you? You really buy into this love stuff you write, but from what I’ve seen that’s a rather naïve way of handling relationships. I’m building a brand and the woman in my life is just another piece of that.’

I spent my thirty-first birthday drowning my sorrows in Prosecco and eating the contents of a box of Thornton’s chocolates.

Unfortunately, the press didn’t instantly let up. Oh no! Because then people wanted to know why our relationship had gone south and the speculation fuelled the trolls once more; that ardent legion of angry female fans who never thought I was good enough for him in the first place. And yes, I was well aware of some of the glamorous women he’d been linked to in the past, although I didn’t believe he’d actually dated all of them.

But for a while there, he made me feel special enough not to worry about the hype going on around us. I did let my hair down and I did have a good time. But the next day I knew there’d be a snap of me with one eye half-shut as if I was drunk, when I wasn’t, or with my skirt having ridden up far enough to show my – and I quote – generously proportioned thighs. I even came off Twitter after the name calling and sheer vindictiveness shocked me to the core. I’d constantly dissolve into tears and Mel would sit there, trying to reassure me that decent people would be horrified, too.

‘Why do you keep reading them, Brie? Pass it over. I’ll block and report every single one of them. Look, some are already disappearing, so other people are complaining on your behalf.’

One of the most vociferous was @PaulTILoveUBabe.

What a joke! This is a PR stunt… never heard of her before. Paul marry me! At least I look in the mirror before I leave the house.

One morning I opened the door to the postman, who asked me if I knew my car had been trashed. A fan had decided to scratch Paul’s name in twelve inch high letters, alongside a broken heart, on the bonnet with a key. Just in case I needed a permanent reminder that he was never truly in love with me, I suppose. Although, admittedly, I was too busy worrying about not letting him down and looking the part to listen to what my own heart was telling me at the time.

Since then my morale has taken a gradual downwards slide, despite the ironic fact that my book sales are rapidly climbing. But suddenly everything seems to be gathering speed. I’m a passenger on a train that is out of control. It’s only a matter of time before my entire world comes crashing down around me because I can no longer function.

I was made to look foolish to the world at large. And now my fear is that real, heart-stopping romance only truly exists on the big screen, or in the haunting lyrics of a love song. Absolutely nothing in my life so far has prepared me for that. Even Valentine’s Day is no longer the little thrill it was after what I witnessed this year. I was queuing for some flowers for Mum – she spent one of those precious occasions in labour with me, so it’s something I do every year. The guy in front of me was picking up a dozen red roses. When he handed over his credit card and saw the amount appear on the screen, he gasped.

‘Are you sure I’m only paying for a dozen?’ His voice was full of disbelief.

‘Yes, sir. One dozen red roses.’

‘I don’t know who invented this Valentine’s Day lark, but I bet it was someone who was going to be raking in the cash. It wouldn’t be so bad, but when you take in the cost of an expensive meal out and the taxi there and back, it’s ludicrous. I hope she bloody well appreciates it. Last year’s girlfriend didn’t seem overly impressed. Her previous boyfriend, she took delight in telling me, took her away for a spa weekend!’

His eyes had flickered over me at that point and instantly dismissed me, as if I was invisible. He was shaking his head as he slid the card back into his wallet, leaving the sales girl unmoved. I realised then that she had probably heard it what must feel like a million times over. Even before he was an arm’s length away she was greeting me with a smiley face, eager to ring up another sale. No doubt she was counting down the hours until it was time to shut up shop for the day. Florist’s shops aren’t heated and it was bitingly cold. It had been a grim day all round.

*

Dringggg. Dringgg. Dringgg.
The shrill ring of the doorbell makes my heart almost leap out of my chest. It must be a parcel because ringing three times is unnecessarily insistent. Delivery drivers these days need to zip around and I always feel guilty if I can’t instantly fling open the front door, because every second counts. A glance at the bedside clock tells me it’s only just after eight. But I do have a dozen sentences on the page in front of me that I haven’t yet deleted, so I haven’t totally wasted the last two hours.

Reluctantly, I push back the duvet cover and rush downstairs, feeling guilty that I’m still in bed and so far away from the door. It doesn’t help that I seem to have developed this unstoppable urge to buy things online. I’m waiting for a tempered glass screen protector for my iPad at the moment. It’s shatterproof and resistant to fingerprints. And it was on sale at the bargain price of two pounds and ninety-nine pence! How could I resist?

I pop on the chain and open the door a full six inches, peeking out and with my hand ready to grab the parcel. Three familiar faces stare back at me with looks ranging from mildly uncomfortable to horror-struck. To my utter dismay, standing on the doorstep is not only my mother, Wendy, but my best friend, Mel, and the fearsome Carrie herself.

‘Darling, can we come in?’ Mum’s voice is soft and full of compassion. A fourth person suddenly appears.

‘Morning, lovely.’ It’s Dad and he’s trying to sound upbeat. It comes out staccato fashion and even his lop-sided smile smacks of discomfort.

‘Can you take the chain off, Brie? I’m gasping for a cup of tea.’ Mel, too, sounds decidedly awkward.

I snap the door shut and stand, half leaning against the wall for a few moments while I try to collect my thoughts. I’m in no fit state to receive company and neither is the cottage. I wonder what the hell they want at this time of the morning?

I leave the chain on and ease the door open to peer around the edge once more.

‘Um… it’s a bit early, guys, and I’m not up yet. Can you come back later?’

Carrie suddenly strides forward blocking out my view of the others.

‘Open the door, Brie, this is an intervention. We aren’t going anywhere, so you might as well let us in now.’

One look at her face and I quiver, my hand reluctantly sliding back the chain. As I step aside it feels like a crowd is filtering into the hallway of my sanctuary.

‘Right,’ Dad says, looking decidedly embarrassed as he tries not to stare at me. And I can’t blame him. Even I don’t recognise me sometimes when I catch sight of myself unexpectedly in the mirror. ‘I’ll, um, put the kettle on then.’

I watch as he heads off to the kitchen and when I turn back, everyone is staring at me.

‘What on earth have you done to your hair?’ Mel asks, looking appalled.

Glancing in the mirror on the wall behind her, I groan inwardly. With my hair pulled up into a scrunchy, it looks like a furry animal is sitting on top of my head. It’s debatable whether it’s dead or alive.

‘It needs washing,’ I offer, lamely.

‘Come on,’ she replies. ‘We should sit down and have a bit of a chat. We’re all very worried about you, Brie, and you can’t go on like this ignoring all contact. Don’t you ever answer your phone or your emails, these days?’

I hang my head, bringing up the rear like some wayward child as everyone files into the sitting room. It looks like there has been an explosion and most of it is snack related.

After indicating for everyone to follow my lead and clear a little space, I take the seat next to Mum on one of the sofas. She leans across to place a hand over mine, giving it an encouraging squeeze before drawing back.

Carrie sits opposite us and Mel draws back the curtains before lowering herself down, rather strategically, next to her. The eye contact is awkward; no one seems to know quite where to look. I’m conscious that the place isn’t looking quite as pristine as usual but then I have been spending a lot of time in bed waiting for inspiration to come. And every night I’m peering at the other sort of screen. To my shame, instead of clearing up my clutter I’ve been working my way from room to room. Having four TVs is actually quite handy, I’ve discovered.

‘It’s been weeks since any of us have heard from you, Brie. Shutting yourself away isn’t doing you any good at all. We all have problems at times and that’s what family and friends are for – to be here for you when you need us.’ Mel speaks softly as if I’m some sort of invalid.

Dad appears with a pot of tea and five mugs on a tray. I only ever drink tea if I’m unwell or I’ve had a bit of a shock. Like the day I signed my first publishing contract and it wouldn’t sink in. Every other author probably cracks open a bottle of champagne and makes a lot of noise. I said a little ‘Woo-hoo!’ and had a brew to calm me down, then went straight back to work.

‘I’m fine, really. My head has been full of the story I’m writing at the moment, and you know how I work. I like to withdraw from the world and pop up again when it’s done.’ Well, it seems I could have a second career as an actress because that had a positive ring to it.

Carrie raises one eyebrow. ‘The work in progress is going well?’

It’s obvious to everyone she doesn’t believe me. I have two choices here. I can lie and hopefully they won’t stay very long, or I can come clean.

‘Very well, indeed.’

‘So, you could send me a few sample chapters to read through today?’

It doesn’t help that all eyes are still on me and Dad has made no attempt to pour out the tea, which would at least be a distraction.


‘Well, I could but I had an epiphany and decided to change the plot a little. That’s why I’ve been so quiet. I’m having to go back through the whole thing. It’s annoying but it happens.’

Oh, that was a little too bright and breezy.

‘You haven’t written a single word, have you?’

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a deep frown on Carrie’s face before. She’ll probably need Botox now, because of me.

‘Okay, so I’ve scrapped most of it. There’s another story in my head but it isn’t the one you’re expecting. Until it’s written I can’t seem to move on.’ It’s the truth; I’m tired of writing about sex. If I don’t pander to my romantic core soon, then I’ll probably combust! I’ve never felt so desolate before; it’s like I’m in imminent danger of giving up on love, and myself, completely. That’s why I’m indulging my unhealthy addiction to Jude. Of course, I know that’s not normal, but he’s keeping me sane.

Mum, Dad and Mel begin to look a little relieved, but Carrie’s face doesn’t alter.

‘If I negotiate a revised deadline, can you work on both at the same time? We can take a look at this… other story, but I need a reassurance from you. You can’t let your publisher and your readers down, Brie. If you don’t publish a new book every six months your sales will lose momentum. That’s the game you’re in and this is so unlike you.’

I nod guiltily, casting around for something to say to deflect the attention.

‘Um, any chance you can pour out that tea, Dad?’

It’s judgement day and if I don’t pull myself together then I’ll be admitting I have a problem and I’m not in control. But that isn’t strictly true as I’m not depressed or having a breakdown, it’s simply that my heart is feeling forlorn. Traditionally when that happens, I turn to food.

If I can just write a love story with no bedroom action in it at all, ending with one simple kiss, something that will make the reader’s heart squish, then I’ll know that my romantic soul hasn’t given up. And then everything will be fine. The only teeny-weeny problem I can foresee is, how on earth am I going to find any inspiration for that…